


Save My Grave

by TooGoodToBeBad



Series: I Don't Think You Want to Stay at All [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: After the Post-Timeskip Battle at Gronder Field (Fire Emblem), But Sylvain is not, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, I dunno I'm bad at tags, Ingrid is a Golden Deer, Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Spoilers for Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), sad probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooGoodToBeBad/pseuds/TooGoodToBeBad
Summary: “How many days has it been?”He wasn’t sure if he was asking how long it had been since he was found or since she buried Felix. It probably didn’t matter too much, in the grand scheme of things.Not much did.In the aftermath, he finds her by a grave meant for him.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: I Don't Think You Want to Stay at All [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948114
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Save My Grave

She was avoiding him; that much he knew. 

He probably deserved it for being found as a broken and bloody mess, nearly lost in a heap of twisted steel and rotting carcasses. The only thing that hurt more than the phantom pain still lingering around his scar was the deep and unavoidable ache that ate away at his heart that came from her being just out of reach. From the moment he woke up, he was tended to by Marianne and Flayn. Mercedes, who survived the battle, eventually took over his care until he could walk again. In all that time, the only other person who’d visited him was the Professor, who as usual, didn’t have much to say. 

It was safe to say that she was avoiding him.

“You didn’t see yourself, Sylvain. You looked like shit,” Hilda said matter-of-factly before taking a sip of tea. “You still do.”

He didn’t have the energy to contest that, not when he’d seen his own reflection. In fact, he thought Hilda was putting it lightly. The bags under his bloodshot eyes had darkened, and he hadn’t shaved since before the battle. Sleep was like a ghost to him, escaping him and vanishing into nothing before he could grab hold.

Hilda continued on, idly flipping a pink tail of her over her shoulder. “You’re lucky Raphael and Ignatz found you when they did, and doubly lucky that Marianne here is such a talented healer.”

From across the table, Marianne gave him a tired smile that didn’t quite reach her gentle brown eyes.

“Just answer the question, Hilda,” Sylvain pleaded as he leaned on the walking stick he was given. “Have you seen her or not?”

Her pink eyes narrowed at him before she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know that lone tree at the base of the hill? It’s a walk away from the edge of camp. That’s where she stays these days.”

“Alright, I’ll get out of your hair now. Thank you, ladies,” he nodded his head and smiled wanly at them. He began to walk off in the direction of the hill when Hilda called out to him. When he gazed over his shoulder, he saw an uncharacteristically stern expression on her face. “Yes, Hilda?”

“Be gentle with her, please.”

* * *

Sure enough, there she was - by the lone tree at the base of the hill. She sat cross-legged on the ground with her back to him, in front of what looked to be freshly disturbed dirt. Hacked crudely into the trunk of the tree were two letters - F.F.

Felix Fraldarius.

He’d known Felix and Dimitri were dead - Marianne broke the news to him when he woke up. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest; the only reaction he could muster was a very short and simple “oh.” But now that he was confronted with the cold and ugly truth about loss, the realization shook him to his core. His friends weren’t coming back.

Despite the tapping of the walking stick against the ground and the rustling of grass underneath his feet, she didn’t notice him. Instead, her head remained bowed, eyes downcast and fixated on something just beneath the surface. 

“Ingrid,” he said simply. 

From where he stood, he could see her shoulders tense and her fingers curl themselves into fists. He could count his own heartbeats in the resounding silence that followed. When she finally spoke, her voice was hoarse and cracked from disuse. “Sylvain.”

“Mind if I sit with you?” he asked softly. She said nothing, but instead patted the space beside her. A weary breath escaped his lips, and he slowly, almost reverently, sat down beside her. For a while, no words were exchanged, as if they were afraid to disturb the slumber of the friend before them.

He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. “How many days has it been?” 

He wasn’t sure if he was asking how long it had been since he was found or since she buried Felix. It probably didn’t matter too much, in the grand scheme of things. 

Not much did.

Her green eyes blinked slowly at his words, as if she had never heard him speak before. “Three,” she said slowly. “I think.”

He turned his gaze towards her, and his throat tightened around all the words he wanted to say to her. The dark circles under her eyes looked like shadows, but she looked very much alive, which was more than could be said for him. Or Felix, for that matter.

“Where’s Dimitri?”

“Sir Gilbert,” she said, and that was enough of an answer for him. He idly tapped his fingers against the backs of his hands, his vocabulary as empty as his soul. Instead, he focused on counting his heartbeats, just so he knew he was alive.

“Thank you,” he finally broke their silence. “For burying him.”

“It was the least…” a hesitant pause filled the air. “It was the only thing I could do.”

He nodded solemnly at that. “Well, thank you all the same. And, listen,” he whispered as he pressed his fingers into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Ingrid.”

“For what?”

“For whatever I did that made you avoid me.”

She tensed at his words before laughing something harsh and bitter, the sound of which chilled him to the bones. “You almost died, Sylvain,” she retorted before uprooting blades of grass with her fingers. “You don’t get to say we’ll see each other again and then show up at death’s doorstep.”

“And I’m sorry for that.”

He could see her shaking her head morosely. “No, it’s… I’m not being fair right now.”

“It’s what I deserve,” he chuckled as he reached out to her and rested his hand on top of hers. His eyes drifted away from her and towards the ground before him. “Could I… should I… I probably should, right?”

“I think he’d hate that, but I think you should,” she replied before rising to her feet.

Startled by her motion, he held on to her wrist firmly. “Don’t go yet,” he pleaded with her. “Be here with me, please, Ingrid.”

“Okay,” her voice was a faint murmur nearly lost in the wind, but it left him shuddering. She sat back down beside him while he tried to piece his thoughts together long enough to say goodbye.

“Hey, bud. I know we said we’d die together, but I’m still here. I’m still right where you left me,” he mumbled while his fingers idly traced patterns into the dirt. “Guess that was just another promise I couldn’t keep. I suppose that’s what you get when you place your trust in a worthless man like me.”

He forced out a chuckle. “You should see me - I look like a ghost. They gave me a walking stick, like I’m some rotten old man. If you could see me, you’d give me shit for it, and I’d hit you in the balls with it,” his voice trailed off. “But you can’t. And I can’t.”

His hands began to tremble, and his voice began to break at the edges. “We should’ve traded places, you and I. Between the two of us, you had a lot more to live for. You were supposed to go home; I wasn’t.”

The quiver in his voice became more apparent. “I’m supposed to be the one here, buried in a shitty fucking grave in a shitty little field in the middle of nowhere. Trade places with me; you’ve got someone waiting for you. I don’t.”

He screwed his eyes shut as they began to sting. “I saw Mercedes - she’s still alive. She’ll take care of Annette for you. And I know I told you not to buy the ring yet, but maybe you should have. So she’d have something to hold on to. That’s another way I’ve failed you, I guess. We can add it to the list of my mistakes.”

Weighed down by a heavy heart, he fell forward and pressed his forehead to the dirt. “I’m sorry, Felix. I truly am. I wish I could keep my word, but she won’t let me,” he breathed. A raw and throaty sob tore itself from his throat and buried itself into the dirt. “She won’t let me!”

His fingers clawed uselessly at the ground, rooting up soil where his tears fell. “I’ll come back for you when this is over, dig you up myself if I have to. I’ll bury you where you belong.”

Lifting his face from the ground, he steeled his teary-eyed gaze to the sky above, cold and grey like the friend beneath him. “I’ve let you down. Now I’m going to let you go.”

He unleashed a litany of curses at the sky while tears streamed down his face like rain. Something raw and guttural forced its way out of his lungs and into the open air, and the cold air cut through him like a dagger and chilled him to his bones.

Suddenly, he found himself embraced in warmth - her warmth - as she pulled him close to her. “Sylvain,” the sound of his name on her lips sent shockwaves through every fiber of his being. “Please, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m not okay,” he mumbled into the crook of her neck. “I want to die, Ingrid.” 

Her fingers brushed against his cheek, the ghost of her touch leaving him starved for contact. “Sylvain,” she whispered, “please don’t say that.”

“I have nothing left.”

“If you go, I won’t either,” she sobbed, shattering his already damaged heart. “We’re all we’ve got now.”

Despite his feeble attempts to push her away, he found himself sinking deeper into her embrace. “People like me don’t deserve people like you. I’ve failed them all. I’m a broken man.”

Her grip around him tightened. “Then help me put you back together.”

In the comfort of her arms, he let himself fall apart. And when he spoke, his voice sounded so terribly small. “They’re all gone now, Ingrid.”

“I’m not. I’m still here,” she choked back another pitiful sob. “I wasn’t being fair to you, Sylvain. I was so afraid to lose you again, and I hate what it made me do to you. But I’m here now; I’m done with pushing you away. Please let me in.”

He looked up to meet her gaze. In the glimmer of her eyes, he could only find sincerity written within. He tried so desperately to let her in, to let her fill in the holes and cracks in his soul that had been chipped away, to let her heal the emptiness inside. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Take all the time you need, then,” her fingers gently wiped away the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t go, Ingrid.”

In the warm light of the sun, the faintest of smiles pulled at her lips. “I won’t, Sylvain. Not this time. Like I said, we’re all we’ve got now.”

He blinked at that. And then he began to laugh. A hesitant chuckle rang out in the air, disturbing the silence. “At the end of it all, you’re still stuck with me.”

She pulled him close to her one more time. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, this one was probably the most challenging thing I've written. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Feedback and comments are appreciated.
> 
> I don't expect to write a lot of this sort of stuff, but who knows, maybe I'll do more. It's definitely more challenging than straight up fluff where everyone's happy and sings Kumbaya around a campfire, and I only occasionally back down from challenges. The next few pieces I've got planned out are considerably lighter. 
> 
> And I would like to formally apologize to Felix Fraldarius for getting dragged into this whole mess, but I think I've written enough fluff with him (and there'll be more to follow).
> 
> Unrelated to everything, but I just found out that Ingrid is the character who shows up in my stories the most. I guess that makes her Best Girl.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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